I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
