Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
