I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
