All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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