I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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