Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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