Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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