I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
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Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering