If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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