This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
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Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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