You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
