Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
