nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
