Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
