We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
