thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
