FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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