After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
