one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
