Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
