He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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