After last night, I could never be a politician.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
