Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
