Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
