Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
