I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
