how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
