at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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