He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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