ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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