i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
