I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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