The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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