...so i touched it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
