woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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