I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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