he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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