you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
