Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
