Just fell off a train. Bad.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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