she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
