So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
