You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i drank out of a bidet.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
