Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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