Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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