i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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