there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
