Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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