I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
