I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
