I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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