we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
