The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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