Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
