at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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