don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
