Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
