this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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