I'm so fucking centered right now
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
