i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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