Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
