i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
