new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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