now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
