Screwed.edu
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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