I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
