there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
