a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
