Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
