I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
