I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
