u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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