Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
