i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Randomize
