Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
