Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
