You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
