i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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